Consent, that space between a yes and a no. it’s something that for some odd reason is an important part of anything involving Kink/BDSM/Sex, go figure. The thing is while most of what consent is comprised of is common sense, most aren’t taught anything in depth including myself. Just for the record:
I, Seductive_Poetry, am in no way an expert on consent. This post is purely my views and opinions on consent with facts that I have learned along the way. If you have viable information regarding consent please leave it in the comments. I may add it to this post and quote you…with your consent of course.
What is consent?
- permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
“no change may be made without the consent of all the partners”
synonyms: agreement, assent, acceptance, approval, approbation
- give permission for something to happen.
“he consented to a search by a detective”
synonyms: agree to, assent to, yield to, give in to, submit to; allow, give permission for, sanction, accept, approve, go along with
“she consented to surgery”
So in other words, it’s whatever is agreed upon or permitted to be done; Agreed upon not assumed, if there is no “yes” than it’s automatically a “no”. You should never assume a “yes”.
Think of it this way, would you want someone to reach in your bag of chips without asking and grab one? Or dip their spoon in your ice cream and take a bite? Majority of you probably said no. So, why on earth would a person want you to just take liberties with their body? Just because something is mentioned or discussed does not mean it is consented to. This is assumed consent.
What is a consent violation?
A consent violation is when you agree on something such as “no sexual/intimate touching” in a scene with someone else and that someone else tries to kiss you or fondle you.
Boy: Mommy can I have a cookie?
(Boy takes cookie anyway)
Simple enough huh? You would think that, but consent violators and their sympathizers find ways to place loopholes and circumvent this.
- He/She didn’t say NO. She didn’t say YES either.
- We’ve done stuff before so it’s ok. Just because you’ve “done stuff” in the past doesn’t give you a free pass to do stuff again.
- Other people in the past didn’t say anything when I did this. Why are you making such a big deal? Just because other partners didn’t say anything doesn’t make it right and no one is “making“ it a big dead it IS a big deal.
YES means Yes and NO means NO, there is no “maybe” in consent. Assuming a “yes” is a dangerous practice and even if your intent was not to cause harm you could end up doing just that unknowingly. Consent is a simple concept that some of us still need to grasp.
Some links on consent related topics: